I definitely know how hard it can be when you’re working toward getting over a bad breakup. I understand the feelings of betrayal and loneliness… Not to mention the crying spells and the emotional roller-coaster going from angry, to isolating yourself and wanting to bargain to patch things up knowing that it will never work and you’ll ultimately be right back in the same spot again.
In my previous marriage, I dealt with extreme betrayal and attacks on my character with false allegations in attempt to destroy my credibility. Toward the end of the relationship I was transitioning out… gaining the strength I needed to completely let go. The 8 tips below are actual steps I took after removing myself from the marriage relationship. Walking away is never easy, but sometimes necessary.
Refrain From Playing The Blame Game
Accept the fact that the relationship is over. In some cases your relationship ended long before you went your separate ways. For whatever reasons it didn’t work out. If it was supposed to last it would have so accept that the relationship is over. The longer you play the blame game the longer it will take for you to get over the relationship and forgive. Put your finger down and focus on you and the responsibility that you have to yourself and your personal healing.
Shift Your Attention On You
Following your break up you want to shift your focus and attention on you. The most important thing at this point in getting you back into a healthy state that will enable you to move your life forward. Trust me, it’s extremely hard to work on you if your mind is stuck on your ex and the relationship you once shared.
Cut off all communication. This may sound extreme, but trust me it’s not. After a breakup you have to take the time you need to get refocused and seeing him or her isn’t going to make that easy. If you have children in common have someone else facilitate the exchange until you are mentally and emotionally in a position where you can comfortably resume the exchange.
Declutter Your Space
Decluttering your space is so important. Not only will you be decluttering your physical space, but your social space also.
If you’re seriously done, be done. Get rid of everything you have held on to that reminds you of your ex and what you’ve shared with him or her. Letters, cards, flowers, his t-shirt you slept in etc. If there are certain items that you can’t get rid of pack them up and put them away so they are not visible during your healing time.
Change your social circle. If you are connected to his friends and social circle it may be time to disconnect. You want to surround yourself with your own supportive circle of friends and family members who will help you with your goal of moving on. Ask your personal circle not to discuss your ex with you.
Challenge Negative Thoughts
It is completely natural to feel and think. Who doesn’t have feelings and thoughts? I believe it is important to acknowledge what you are feeling as well as your thoughts. After a breakup many people internalize the pain and begin to feel worthless, unloved or unlovable etc. But you have to challenge these thoughts. The end of a relationship doesn’t mean you aren’t capable of loving someone, being loved or obtaining lasting love. Speak positives to your negative thoughts. Affirming is a good way to aid in changing how you think about something that directly impacts your life.
Engage With The Outside World
Plan an outing with friends or family members. If you’re in business attend a networking mixer. Get yourself a gym membership, attend a yoga class, plan outings with the children etc. Do whatever you love to do. The goal is to occupy your time so you spend less time with an idle mind as well as ensuring that you continue to live your life instead of falling into a depressed state and isolating yourself from the world.
Get A Journal
Writing can be very therapeutic. Get yourself a personal journal or notebook and write what you feel and how the breakup has affected you. You don’t want to write from a place of pity you want to write from a place of power. You are always in control of how circumstances affect your life. Let writing be a part of the healing process.
Start your day with an expression of gratitude. It’s important to find the light in the darkness. Express gratitude for the freedom to create within yourself what you need to form a healthy, loving relationship. Take time to acknowledge all of the beautiful things and people in your life as well as the beauty within you that will make you the perfect mate for your future partner.