After two failed marriages it becomes rather easy to believe you aren’t capable of securing a loving lasting relationship. These are the thoughts I held until I focused my attention on giving myself the things I wanted to attract into my life. Yes, I believe in the law of attraction – we attract that which we are.
The journey to loving me has been a long one that I’m sure I will continue. Learning to truly love myself has changed a lot for me however when it comes to relationships three things stand out: #1 the type of people I’m interested in having in my life #2 the type of people who are drawn to me and #3 my ability to truly love other’s without conditions.
It’s so true beloved, we show other people how to treat us. When you hold yourself to a higher standard it’s seen by others and does affect the way you’re treated by the people who come into your life.
I’ve never had a long list of must have’s for my potential mate. However, I’ve learned to carefully determine what I need and want in a mate and what type of men are actually worth my time and attention. Some of the things I want in an intimate partner relationship is loyalty, a man who truly loves and values himself – because that is the man who will genuine love and value me, someone who would embrace all of me (even the little broken pieces I have yet to recognize and heal), vision, support, a thirst to elevate mentally, spiritually and financially (the man I can grow with), a sense of family, leadership skills in action and one who is secure within himself.
I, like many other women, went through a period where I devalued my worth and accepted less than I deserve just to have someone to share my physical space and often emotional space that wasn’t equally shared.
During a weekend trip I kept experiencing delays. I was upset and frustrated until it dawned on me… I needed to sit down, get still and listen because obviously there was a message I needed to become still enough to receive. I sat down at the terminal, calmed myself down and gathered my thoughts. Then I spoke: God I’m listening. After I entered my peaceful place of solitude the presence of God I crave began to minister to me.
I needed to become still to recognize the season I was in, to acknowledge what was going on within me and most importantly to understand the importance of burying the relationships in my life that were dead. Those dead things – dead relationships, dead friendships, dead business relationships etc were blockage. They were sinking ships that were in the way of receiving what I truly needed and desired and this couldn’t have been more true for my love life. You can’t have both you must choose what you want in your life.
As I sat there thinking about the message spoken into my spirit I knew there was an urgent need to make immediate changes. I released a very specific prayer into the atmosphere addressing my state and what I desired then refocused my attention on me. I owed the biggest apology to myself because I was the one undervaluing my own worth. What I was receiving was a direct result of my own belief.
My King appeared after I found security within and when I stopped looking for him in the wrong places. He and I often joke about how we met (that’s a story for a later time). I thought I looked a hot mess when we met, but in his eyes I was beautiful in my natural state. He has loved me unconditionally and has been so consistent with how he treats me since day one. What I see as an imperfection he sees beauty within. He gives me permission to be free and he spoke to my fears without even knowing they existed. The bond we’ve developed is nothing short of amazing.
The man who entered my life is everything I asked God for and more. We are a reflection of each other, but what I really want people to understand is the relationship that I built with myself… loving myself, becoming whole and free, defining my own worth and my contribution in this lifetime is the relationship that I have established with my partner. I’m still exhaling!
In the beginning, I experienced the what if thinking, the fear and the resistance resulting from my uncertainty of starting over. I found myself constantly recollecting my thoughts and I have also had to remind myself that I’m healed and whole and my past is finished. I made a commitment to myself and with my new mate to build a fresh firm foundation without the residue of past relationships and disappointments. I’m grateful for the growth on this journey because it’s allowed me to truly experience and understand the man that he is. He is often the gentle reminder of love and possibility needed when I’m faced with tough situations. He brings out the best in me and he covers me.
The biggest commitments we made to each other were to keep the lines of communication open and to maintain the momentum in the relationship (the growth, display of love, stability). A lack of communication leads to confusion and confusion leads to dysfunction. Many relationships start off strong and weaken as the two people gain a level of comfort. We made a conscious commitment not to allow ourselves to become that distant couple.
Starting over isn’t so bad… especially when its with the right one. I’m looking forward to sharing the future progress of this relationship.
Sometimes we all need that moment of solitude where we can spend some alone time with God and reconnect with who we are, what we desire and how we can obtain it. When you have a need there is always something else you need to release.